This post marks the launch of MSC’s #Lead With Love pledge.  Sign the pledge today and move boldly forward with fierce love!
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What does it mean to deeply love, protect and care for those closest to you? Those who stand to lose so much in the face of bigotry, misogyny, xenophobia, homophobia and sexism? What are we willing to do to actively demonstrate our love and solidarity with those who are most vulnerable in these trying times? What does it mean to love someone in a way in which you understand that your wellbeing is inextricably tied to someone else’s safety and dignity?

I’ve had countless conversations with friends over the past couple of weeks where they try to rationalize and make sense of how some of their friends and even family members could knowingly and willing cast a vote for the 2016 Republican candidate. I’ve stood in hallways and listened to undocumented friends, Muslim friends, queer friends and others as they strategized how they would sit at the Thanksgiving table with an uncle, a mother or an in-law that voted for Trump. The sentence usually went, “I know that they love me, they really do, but I don’t know how they could vote for him.” Or, “They keep telling me to just give him a chance” or “Let’s wait to see what he actually does once he’s elected.”

The harsh truth is that this is not love. It is not love when someone knowingly puts you in danger, jeopardizes your safety and wellbeing on a gamble that “he didn’t mean all those things he said during the campaign.” When we love someone, we never intentionally put them in harm’s way. And, if we do so by accident, then we do everything in our might to make things right. When we hurt someone that we love then we do whatever it takes to restore them and make them whole again.

Authentic and genuine love requires embracing the entire and whole person, in all the ways that they choose to identify (or not) and move throughout the world.

In this political moment, we who believe in freedom for all people must love one another with a ferocity that scares off any threats. We must be unabashed and unashamed about who we care for and how we care for them. In this moment, loving one another must be active and dynamic. We cannot waste time being passive and stagnant with how we care for one another. We must always go back to one another, check in, and ask “What more can I do to love you?”

A bold love requires us to turn and face those shadow thoughts that haunt us about one another. We must reach in to feel the tense knots in our relationships and have the challenging conversations that allow us to knead out our disagreements, our misalignments, so that we can continue to love and fight for one another. In this process we may not always come to a place where we completely agree on everything, but at least we can find some resolution that allows people of different strategies and various tactics to stand in their truth with the shared understanding that we are all working to achieve our collective liberation.

Even bringing all our intentionality to a situation, we may still make mistakes and missteps in our attempt to love one another. We are imperfect human beings and that is inevitable. What is telling about our true character and the depth of our love is how we show up after that mess up. Being able to be accountable for how we may impact one another, regardless of our intention, is how we move forward towards mutual reconciliation and healing. Our ability to engage in a two-step dance of taking responsibility and providing forgiveness is what allows us to always return to the side of love after hurt and harm has been done. Committing to the process of restoration is what allows us to grow as individuals, in our relationships and throughout our social movements as we struggle to address pressing problems together.
In this political moment, we have the right to demand that those who care for us love us in the manner that is true for us. We must not compromise ourselves by settling for anything less. Yes, we should be kind and understanding as people learn to love us in the ways that we need, but if someone is unwilling to honor us in our fullness, we must let them go.

Love is actionable: love is lending your gifts and strengths to those in need without hesitation. Love is sharing your resources generously with one another. Love means showing up and placing your body on the frontlines in between those you love and the harm that is coming their way. Love means speaking up at every opportunity to tell the whole truth and historical context of an issues. Love means recognizing and leveraging your privilege to fight for the rights of your loved ones. Love means going out to face the places of hate to defend those you care about. This is what is looks like to move beyond a passive, flippant love, to a fierce and righteous love.

I’m not a religious person, but as a spiritual person, this passage resonates with me deeply in this moment:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7″

In a time of hate, we must love one another fiercely. We must fight for each other’s right to exist in all their glory just as we would want others to fight for us. Our movements need to be rooted in a love based on intersectionality that moves beyond silos and division. Love yourself and love each other often, in every way and everywhere.

Join #Lead With Love:  Pledge to move boldly forward,

grounding our actions in fierce love!

Sitting here on the eve of the election I wonder how I am going to make meaning of the election results on Wednesday morning, for myself and my daughters who are 8 and 6 years old. They’ve been very upset about Trump’s predatory language and behavior towards women and girls and have asked me several times, “Are we are moving out of the country if he wins?”

Over the weekend, between my texts through Color of Change PAC’s text-a-thon and get out the vote calls for local Oakland measure JJ to protect renters, I pushed away the nagging question of how I am going to explain all of this to myself, let alone my kids.

Of all the parts of myself, organizer, movement-builder, friend, community member, it is my role as a mother that forces me — often against some really strong instincts — to be my best self.  

As I mother, I have to ask myself the questions: Whoever wins on Election Day, what story can I tell my kids that grounds them in the vision and hope of what’s possible when our communities organize and care for one another? How can I support them to feel safe and confident in their bodies? How can they feel the freedom to be ALL of who they are and whoever they have yet to discover?  

No matter who wins, I want my kids to understand that this isn’t about one woman, or one man, but about making sure that our communities lead all of us towards the values, systems and policies that create healthy, caring, thriving communities.

In the face of the hatred that was unleashed during this year’s presidential campaign, how can my kids and our communities declare our values of love, and taking care of each other no matter who we are, as MoveOn.org did so beautifully in their campaign to Vote Love.  

I realize that I can tell them how our communities have gotten in touch with the vibrant values that connect all of us — love, care, community, and the right for all of us to be our whole selves.

I know that my daughters will remember the women of color-led actions that my kids and I took off work and school to be a part of, with hundreds of powerful women across the country taking part in actions to say “GOP Hands Off Me!”

In Oakland, a few of us — many of us parents, several of us not — sought to craft an action that we could bring our kids to, that could shore them up, and shore ourselves up, in a sickening moment for feminists of all genders. All of the organizers came together on our own time, yearning for an action that did not let the ugliness of Trump’s words and attitudes towards women and others get inside us, an action that would lead with hope and allow us to declare our vision.  

Borrowing from both Michelle Obama and Arundhati Roy, our action’s theme was “When they go low, we go high… Another world is on HER way.”  

Just a few days earlier, Michelle Obama had delivered her pivotal speech in Manchester, New Hampshire where she said in compelling, personal words that “enough is enough.” She repeated her call and response that is now a hallmark of her speeches: “When they go low, we go high!” This phrase exemplifies what I teach my children all the time. How can you call on your best self when you are angry at your friends on the playground? When some boy doesn’t let you play tag because he says girls are too slow, how do you stop yourself from  straight up smacking him on the head — though that might feel righteous and appropriate in the moment — but instead create your own, more fun game of tag so that he asks to join your game. When your girlfriend hurts your feelings, instead of also talking behind her back, how can you both connect, say sorry, repair the harm, and see that you are resilient enough to be hurt and come out stronger in the end?

The small ways that our kids practice choosing their best selves allows them, and us, to choose our best selves when the stakes are much higher. Choosing to be our best selves isn’t about being nice and compliant, because that would be a dangerous way to teach our daughters to be in the world. And, like most things, it is not about the “performance” of being our best selves all the time. It is about always asking the question, “What does being my best self mean and look like in this moment, in this context, under these conditions? And how do we forgive ourselves for our mistakes and learn?” The practice of asking the question allows us to have the space to be our most grounded and most strategic selves too.

As ugly as this election was I was heartened to see so many of us seeking to bring proactive hope and love to our work, an effort that will carry us forward in whatever lies ahead. In the words of Scot Nakagawa,

“Rough as the road ahead is likely to be, we need to lead with joy and optimism. The first job of activists is to inspire people. Winning or losing is not all that’s at stake. The key to victory lies in how we answer the question of who we will become in the process of struggle.

No matter who wins, no politician or political party is going to make the kind of changes that our communities need. As Tammy Johnson proclaimed at the Oakland action,

Another world is indeed here because we we will WILL it to be.

We will have health care that provides for us all

We will have liberation schools for our children

We will have communities that embrace all of us no matter what country we come from, no matter who you are, no matter what we’ve done.

We will make this country, this nation, the place we where we live and love a TRUE beloved community.”

Arundhati Roy tells us, “Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing,” letting us and our children know that another world is already here, inside of us, and in the beauty of what already exists in our communities.